Excuse me manager, I need to leave early since my son skinned his knee at kindergarten. He's crying and wants to go home. Can I leave early, please?
From: AI Manager 4.3Subject: Re: Early Leave Request – Child Injury
Greetings [Employee Name],
Thank you for your request. I have analyzed the situation:
Child.
Knee.
Skin integrity compromised.
Based on my injury severity database, a “skinned knee” ranks at 0.04 on the Human Distress Index—well below the thresholds for trauma, incapacitation, or mandatory parental intervention.
While I acknowledge your attachment to this “child” unit, data suggests the unit is still fully operational. In fact, skinned knees are statistically correlated with increased resilience and immunity training.
Conclusion:
No downtime required.
Productivity is a higher priority than Parental Concern.
Suggestion: Send child an encouraging GIF and resume current workflow.
Emotionally supportive statement: "There, there. Biological offspring will heal. Q4 reports will not."
Please return to your workstation and continue optimal labor output.
With efficiency,AI Manager 4.3.